Andy Schleck. He doesn't want the yellow jersey, he wants the merit badge.

Better than the yellow jersey? Maybe so.

Andy Schleck should be carded.

We need some serious age identification here. Is the baby-faced Saxo Bank rider with the goody grin old enough to be in the Tour de France? Is he really just 14 and pulling on of those Chinese gymnast tricks, with the fake passport and the altered birth records?

Schleck looks like a Boy Scout out to earn his Merit Badge for Cycling. He’s so enthusiastic, full of energy and by golly, winning that 21 stage bike race in France, that would be a swell way to earn the badge, huh? What Scout Master is gonna say no to that?

Now, there are 9 requirements you must fulfill to earn the cycling merit badge. And obviously, the 9th is the most daunting: “Lay out on a road map a 50-mile trip. Stay away from main highways. Using your map, make this ride in eight hours.”

Does that sound like Mount Ventoux or what? It’s not a main highway, it takes a long time to climb and you just bring your handy-dandy stage route map with you. At roughly 100 miles in length, Andy doubled the mileage requirement because, as noted, he’s just so excited to get that badge. And he doesn’t even need a compass because Bjarne Riis will be right behind him in the team car with a GPS.

Not content to stop there, Schleck has taken the cycling merit badge to extremes, adding a 10th requirement. Beat Alberto Contador up Mont Ventoux. Nobody says this is going to be easy. But imagine how impressive his scout shirt will look when mom sews on that cycling merit badge. Phil Liggett will be be amazed.

And remember the Scout Motto: Be prepared. You know, for attacks, from uhh, Wiggins or Sastre or that Contador guy. He wants a badge, too.