Contador’s worst nightmare: support from Michael Rasmussen.

Rasmussen: For Contador, against meat on bones.

The bad news keeps piling up for Alberto Contador. First, clenbuterol, then plasticizers and finally, Michael Rasmussen.

Yes, the situation has gone from bad to worse to melt-down, toxic waste disaster: Michael Rasmussen, the Danish rider kicked out of the Tour de France, has now given Contador a vote of confidence on meatgate. This is like being on trial for murder and having Hannibal Lecteur volunteer to be your character witness.

“It is the only plausible explanation. The quantity measured is so infinitely small that as far as I understand it, it is impossible to administer,” he said. “You’ll have to judge whether what is found is performance enhancing. What Contador is found positive for has no performance-enhancing effect.” said the Dane. “The system leaves no room for common sense.”

There you have it from the man who lied about his whereabouts back in 2007 to avoid UCI drug testers knocking on his door. His Rabobank team booted him out of the Tour while he was wearing the yellow jersey and almost certain to win the overall. Once the lies reached the UCI, they banned him for two years. The so-called Chicken commenting on tainted Spanish Steak — yeah, that’s comedic but unconvincing.

Rasmussen’s statement about “common sense” is also scary considering his own personal history and mental instability. He considered suicide in the aftermath of his tour ejection and has exhibited a pattern of crazed behavior ever since.

He’s made wild claims about a UCI “blacklist” to keep him from returning to pro cycling. “If some persons were dead and buried, I would probably be happier, but I am not going to hire a couple of Colombian gangsters to make it a reality,” said Rasmussen.

If you’re Alberto Contador, having the Chicken in your corner is a pr nightmare. It would be like bringing O.J. Simpson to a women’s charity event or inviting Mel Gibson to a bar mitzvah or hiring Bernie Madoff to teach business ethics. Basic rule of thumb: never have convicted criminals build your legal case. Rasmussen = kiss of death.

Based on previous actions, Rasmussen is also ill-equipped to comment with any authority on legal matters. This is a man who signed with the CDC-Cavaliere team only to quickly unsign, stating his contract was merely a pre-contract. He then explained the legal misunderstanding with one of the most bizarre, Kafkaesque statements you’ll ever encounter: “The two parties have commenced the liquidation of the cooperation that has never existed,” said Rasmussen.

So if you’re Alberto Contador and you’re holed up in Pinto, Spain with brother Fran planning strategy, the last thing you want is Rasmussen offering unsolicited support. Do you really want an emaciated nutball who looks like he just escaped a Nazi prison camp as your chief supporter. As they say in Spanish, nada good idea.

Then again, maybe this all makes perfect sense, as least from a steak & clenbuterol perspective. In 2002 Velonews ran a story about a buddy of Rasmussen’s who claimed to have transported a box for the Dane that contained packets of Hemopure, a “bovine-hemoglobin-based blood substitute.”

Yes, folks, that word jumped right out at you, didn’t it — bovine. So maybe Michael Rasmussen is highly qualified to discuss matters of tainted cow, suspicious meat, traces of clenbuterol found in cloven hoof species.

But somewhere in Spain Alberto Contador is screaming “No, please, not Rasmussen!”

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  • leif

    The two parties have commenced the liquidation of the cooperation that has never existed

    Does this quote fit under 'if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit' or 'I wouldn't trust him in a shit house with a spoon'?

  • http://mildstallion.wordpress.com Al

    Glad I wasn't eating when I saw that pic of the Chicken. *shudder*

  • Ron

    I wonder if Rasmussen might have gotten a little touch of the Mad Cow Disease. Dosent that affect the brain and make one do stupid things like writing your own press releases?

  • RideLikeaGirl1

    Another great posting! But please pull the Rasmussen photo as it is tough to look at.

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com walshworld

      Thanks. Yes, Rasmussen is scary looking. But it’s almost Halloween, right?

  • http://www.revistamundociclistico.com FanDeSoler

    did someone poke holes in his jersey or are those freckles – lol

  • http://jayneduvall.com Jayne

    where the hell did you get that photo? OMG that is disgusting. not good PR for cycling…..

  • Lars

    who posted this article??

    Cause Michael has never spoken about suicide. Thats all rubbish.!!!

    The only journalist who has interest in Rasmussen's case are thoose who has beed paid by UCI or Spanish moneymen

    • http://www.atwistedspoke.com TwistedSpoke

      Lars, I posted the article. I think there was a quote from R about contemplating suicide. Matt